She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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