I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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