24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
