i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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