rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
