no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
