At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
