Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
