I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
