Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
