Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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