too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
