Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
