that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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