Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize