Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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