a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
