I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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