Im at strip club and am horny
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Holy sore nipples Batman
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
