It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
