Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
