the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
