I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
