yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
