Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
