i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
