im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
