He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
