were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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