I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
