my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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