I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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