If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
love makes seman taste better
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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