The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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