I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
