my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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