I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
