He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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