i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
