I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
