You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just pee around me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
