I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
