oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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