They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
