this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
