I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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