Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
