When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
