remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
