I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
