i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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