You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
