I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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