can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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