Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
