i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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