I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
