Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
