I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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