Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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