yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
