Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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