God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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