Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
