if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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