I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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