Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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