He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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