ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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