girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize