omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
