did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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