i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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