i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
