I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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