..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
