Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
