You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
