Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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