she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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