I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize