you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
