Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
