is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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