At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
