I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
