dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
