I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
