Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
