I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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